Miss. Contradiction

I used to think that English was too soft a language. There weren't as many words in it as in Spanish, thus you couldn't communicate your ideas quite as easily as with so many other languages. Then I read a bit more and realized that there is quite a broad vocabulary, but most people don't move on from the basic ten thousand words when there are over 250,000 to choose from.
We were watching the TV a while ago, Pride and Prejudice was on. I'd seen it already. But I was still quite moved. What I love about Austen is the fact that, even though she is quite the lady, and she is always so proper, when you get to know her you know that there is a hint of sarcasm underneath every word that is uttered by one of her characters. It is just gossip, but... Isn't everyday life about that as well? At least then they weren't such hypocrites about it.
Many times I wished to just be taken under the cover of my parents so I could educate myself. What would be better than having all the time to yourself with the sole purpose of learning how to play an instrument? Or reading? Or knitting, stitching, cooking, dancing, singing, writing? Wouldn't that just be amazing??? I think it would. You wouldn't have to worry about anything. You would just wait until an amazing man came along your path and then you could marry him, and you would dedicate your entire life to the man you love. It's quite the fairy tale...
But then you come back to the ground, to real life, and I realize that I would entirely hate depending on someone else's money. You would never be truly independent. You could never say, "This is mine, I acquired it by my own means." It would be like all those women that marry rich men, divorce them and then wind up getting half of what their spouses had acquired over a life time of hard work. Or maybe it was inherited, but even so, why should THEY be the ones getting it when they didn't work for it? They are not entitled to it because they're not relatives either.
So, what do I want? The perfect combination of both, but that's just not likely to happen. It's not likely that I find the right balance for it, nor that I find that enchanted man, riding the horse and wearing an armor. Urgh. I've never sought that. I want the gentleman that lightly steps off the hearse, wears shoes with 5 centimeter heels, wears tights, and a coat that reaches the back of his knees but doesn't quite manage to cover all of his chest.
I live in the 1800s and every other girl with some sense in her wishes she did too.