Guided by dreams

Oh, Matt. Last year she'd hoped that he was the one she was looking for, the boy who could make her feel... Well, something more. More than the rush of triumph at making a conquest, the pride in showing your new acquisition off to the other girls. And she had come to feel a strong affection for Matt. But over the summer, when she'd had time to think, she'd realized it was the affection of a cousin or a sister.
Ms. Halpern was passing [by] trigonometry books. Elena took hers mechanically and wrote her name inside, still wrapped in thought.
She liked Matt more than any other boy she'd known. And that was why she was going to have to tell him it was over.
She hadn't known how to tell him in a letter. She didn't know how to tell him now. It wasn't that she was afraid he'd kick up a fuss; he just wouldn't understand. She didn't really understand herself.
It was as if she were always reaching for... something. Only, when she thought she'd got it, it wasn't there. Not with Matt, not with any of the boys she'd had.

Smith, L. J. The Awakening. 1991. New York: HarperTeen, 2009. Print. The Vampire Diaries 1.

This is how I find the answer to my current problem.
Which is no longer a problem, since the decision has been made.

Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus

Even though I cannot see your face,
I know it's you behind that mask.
I beseech your eyes.

Finally I've found them,
and I feel safe.
At ease.
At home.

With you I could go anywhere.
Everywhere.

You're at ease wherever you go.
And with you, I feel the same way.
I could go to the darkest places and the light in your eyes would guide me.
I would go to the most daunting pit,
and with you beside me it'd be like an everyday trip.

I want you here with me.
I know this won't last forever.

I knew it.

But why must you go so soon?
The very thought of losing you makes my heart cringe.
And my lungs stop breathing.

Why must you go?
Why must you be taken from me?

Go ahead brave man, do what you must.
Your memory will forever be in my heart.
Let your life be a lesson to me.
One that I will have hopefully learned.
Thank you, for it all.