New Old Friends

All of a sudden, miles away from the people I used to consider only classmates, I now realize that some of them were truly my friends.
Had I been able to pull myself out of the hole I willingly jumped into, I could have had so much more fun... I could have been able to truly bond with them.
I remember those days and I remember feeling that they were unimportant, scarcely as real as my "real" friends were to me.
It's a bit too late to say, Hey, I should walk out this door and join them, and truly be there with them. Not be a simple shade. A ghost of a friend.
There were very few moments when I was truly involved with them.
And there were truly very few moments when I was myself.
I kept on being quiet, or behaved like a retard, because I believed that was the best way to go with them.
I could never have said or done the things I actually have carried out here.
They were much more conservative, but I think we would have had more fun.
I still miss the people from the previous place LIKE CRAZY.
I don't think I'll ever have as much fun with anyone else as I had with them... And I do believe it's a cultural thing.
I don't think people here could take all the things I say without blushing or thinking of me as a slut.
I can't even say most of the things I believe in to my best friend...
I can talk about absolutely anything with my brother, but he and I are different from the rest for obvious reasons... We're siblings. We're meant to either think alike or be on opposite poles. We luckily enough happen to think alike.
Lately I've been thinking a great deal about Brittany.
I miss her so much... We could have done so many things together. We used to talk like crazy whenever we were in her car, and she drove me from place to place, and we watched some movies... Back then when I was granted almost everything I asked for because I didn't ask for much.
Nowadays I wish I could be out of the house almost on a daily basis... Weekly would be enough... But now it seems like monthly is too much for those who grant my permissions. It sucks. But I keep on thinking it won't be long. They haven't accepted the idea that I'll be leaving as soon as I can, so whenever it actually happens I don't think they'll even know what hit them.
I can't wait.
But I also wish I could see my friends again. All of them. I don't wish to turn back time, because then I wouldn't have learned much.
It's now, when I don't have them, that I would love to have a second chance to really know them, and to let them truly know me. I don't want to change what happened in the past. That would be retarded and useless. I want a second turn.
I hope I get a chance to see them again... Although, I must admit, I never want to go back to that place. I wish I would never have to set foot on that land again... But I know it's impossible. Perhaps if we met half-way somewhere... That would be perfect. But perfect things are hard to achieve.
I must go now.
My stomach is starting to growl and soon enough I'll be crawling in search of food. I still have to put some decent clohtes on... The drag of living in a house full of people.
Thanks for reading.